This weekend I have had a feeling. A feeling I have not wanted to have because of the fear of disappointment. What is that feeling?? That I need to prepare for Jackson coming home.
I need to go shopping for more diapers and wipes, rice milk, juice, food for dinners. (The last dinner we ate here was interrupted and was not finished)
I need to clean his sheets and blankets.
I need to pull out all his 18month clothes that I haven't pulled out yet
I need to vacuum.
and the biggest one:
I need to clean out my car and make room for his carseat. I have allowed my car to become a dump because seeing the trash and junk pile up fills the empty space where Jackson's carseat usually sits. I have been praying God would bring him home and end this and I have not been acting/preparing for the wonderful answer to that prayer.
Even as I type these words I cannot help but battle with satan and feelings of defeat. Do I dare risk getting ready?? It has been SOO long and who knows if it will even be this week. But instead of dismissing this feeling I will act on it. Even if its just to help me get moving again and get me out of bed before 1030 I will begin to check off my checklist. This will not be an easy task. My list doesn't seem long but I know that even getting the energy to go to the store will take strength from God and not my own. Cleaning the car will be the hardest as I spend much time in my car and seeing the empty place is not easy. Maybe I won't do it maybe I will just sit and do it all in the moments after we get the call that this is all over?! No, I know that I need to do these things. Please pray for me, pray that I will have the HOPE of Christ, that I will rejoice in HOPE, be patient in tribulation and constant in prayer!!! I hope to send some pictures of my car ready for Jackson's first ride in it in many many days :) I get goosebumps imagining how great a silly car ride will be! Pray God gives me strength to do these things and pray He will give me hope and peace IN HIM!!
6 comments:
You can do anything for 15 minutes -- FlyLady. Babysteps, Kandy - you can do it! :)
I agree with jacki. Take it one step at a time, but make those forward steps!
I am praying with confidence too! You are (in essence) praying for rain and by these actions you are carrying your umbrella. I love you! Call me if you need a break or encouragement.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH KANDY!! Pray with expectation! And I know you have been.
Dear Lord, thank you for Kandy and John's constant focus on you. Lord please bless their faithfulness to You by bringing Jackson home! Lord, please let this trial be over, Jesus I beg you, please do not disappoint your servants. Thank you for this spirit of new hope that you have given them. Please give Kandy and John both the strength to act on it. Jesus, our hope is in You--our help comes from you. Please lift Kandy and John up! Please God work your hand, blink your eye, breathe your breath over them, Jesus give them relief--bring their family back together so that they may praise you together!
We love you Lord, thank you for your love over us, thank you for sacrificing YOUR son--Lord how we begin to get more of sense of what a sacrifice that truly was. God thank you!! Thank you for sparing us a fate worse than this. Thank you for Carolyn and Emily, and Kelly, and all the other family and friends who have come to help in such a big way. Thank you for this peace, that truly does pass all understanding. In your name, -Amen
Kandy and JOhn, I am so lifted up by your faith. We love you!!
We are praying for you! You can do it! Prepare for what lies ahead, it's going to happen!
We can always approach the throne of Jesus with confidence! That is what we are doing! He will be home soon. We will be celebrating soon! We love you woodards!
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