Tonight at the family reunion in Indiana I was driving back to the hotel and a bat (I think) swooped down close to the windshield, no big deal it's just a bird. But it scared the snot out of me and I about jumped out of my seat. John said 'a little jumpy are we?' and I am. And it almost made me cry too. Not the bat but that I am filled with fear that even a little bat can scare me that much.
It could be the emotions of the pregnancy, birth etc coming down, but nonetheless the emotions are there and they are real. All the events seem too much for me to handle emotionally. I feel like "pregnancy brain" has overtaken me. And I really don't think it's pregnancy brain at all. I think its fear and stress making me extremly high strung, inside. At breakfast today I noticed my shirt was on backwards! Wow! Am I totally losing it??? It may feel like that to me and it may look like that to me. However God is GOOD! And He has reminded me of this passage in 2 Corinthians 4:
From The Message translation:
We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives!
And this passage in Isaiah 43 again from the Message
1-4 But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, the One who got you started, Israel:"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine.When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end—Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior.I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you!I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.
You see, I am seeing again that things are not just what is seen. God is using ALL things in my life to teach me more about his love and His Son Jesus. Thank you Jesus that even though I'm not sure what to do, YOU DO! Thank you Jesus for your Word that shows me what I need to do. Thank you for teaching me more and more. So even though I feel like things are falling apart on the outside I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that GOD IS MAKING NEW LIFE, and NOT a day goes by without His unfolding grace. Thank you God for sending your Son and please, send Him again soon!!! Thank you for your LOVE!! That's all I really need to have right now, knowledge that YOU LOVE ME and you LOVE MY FAMILY! I sleep, resting in that, resting in the arms of my Savior and God!!
3 comments:
Aww, I remember those feelings after Tammy passed away and Makenzie was born. It just seems like it's all too much at times but you are doing the right thing in giving those emotions over to God. I will be praying!!!
Praying for you! Continue taking one thing at a time. Love you!
Friday I babysat Kristy's kids and took them to the pool. I sat on the steps with Daisy on my chest and the waves of the kids splashing and playing around washed up and down us. Daisy was so peaceful in that moment, just resting her head on my chest. I was very careful to keep her up high enough so that the water didn't get in her face, but kept her in the water to keep her cool from the 100 degree temps outside. Those waves soothed her and me too. Praying that you might find peace among the waves. I love you!
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